You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
