Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
