Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
