I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
