i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I fill condoms, not promises.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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