how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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