My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
