Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
