You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
