I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
