I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
