This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
