I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
