super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
