If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
