Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
