he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
