I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
