My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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