Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
