Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
