The maid of honor just puked.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just cut my nipple shaving
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
