Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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