Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
