I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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