Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
