I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
