i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
