Define "chronic" masturbator.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
