Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
