So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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