PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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