just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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