I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
