somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
