just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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