please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
