If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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