i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
