I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
