Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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