I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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