thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dick very happy bro
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
