She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
