oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
