i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
