I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I will be naked everywhere
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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