Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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