i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
