need another drink. this is the easiest way
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
