I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
