Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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