just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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