just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
