careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
