she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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