Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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