1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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