no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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