The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
