It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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