I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
