I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
