It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
